So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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