She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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