She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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