this beer tastes like vomit already
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
