He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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