You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
