Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
