Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
