Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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