i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
