I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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