So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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