i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
