JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
