for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
