just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
