Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
how drunk are you?
Several
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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