After last night, I could never be a politician.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
