i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
