I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You should frame my arrest warrant.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
