i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I just sharted jello shots
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
