Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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