sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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