he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
