I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
