4 words: hood of his car
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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