i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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