If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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