paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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