8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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