dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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