Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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