I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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