So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
