He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
