And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
