If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
