Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
