I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
