You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
