I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
