I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
