you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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