toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
