I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
