You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
