This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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