she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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