So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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