Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
