if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
