We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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