Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
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told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize