woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
