We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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