he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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