If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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