I hate your face
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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