what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
