I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
