M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i think i just lost a toe
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
