does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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