Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
