So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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